If you hear any strange noises or happenings in your house around this time of year, you now know who the culprits are. Rest assured this year my three new baubles will take pride of place on my tree and I hope to acquire the remainder to complete the set. For those of you that have OCD, then scroll to the end of this post and work upwards to read about the Yule Lads in the order they arrive at your house from 12th December to Christmas Eve. Blame Vlad I just cannot get the staff.
 Kertasníkir- AKA Candle Stealer or Candle beggar
Last but by no means least is Kertasníkir. Why eat candles? Years ago the candles were made of animal fat (tallow), and as we now know the Yule lads will eat anything. Best hide your expensive Yankie candles from this guy, the smell of Sugared Plums and Candied Fruits will be irresistible to his pilfering paws.  Ketkrókur – AKA Meat Hooker
A devious little sod, he climbs onto your roof, and with the help of his trusty hook reaches down your chimney to snag himself a hunk of smoked lamb. These days on the 23rd of December it will more likely be a rancid bit of skate, sounds delightful.  Gáttaþefur – AKA Door Sniffer
Flour was once a scarce commodity in Iceland. It was a luxury, used for baking cakes and breads to celebrate special occasions. Gáttaþefur’s sensitive hooter can sniff out the smell of laufabrauð (leaf bread) at a thousand paces. The enticing smells of baking draws this lad to your house to help himself to your baked goods, tarts or Roly Poly (Vlad and Pansy).  Gluggagægir – AKA Window Peeper
Harmless nosey parker, or perv? Gluggagægir is not just trying to catch a glimpse of you butt naked, but is actually casing the joint. He may steal any small trinkets that catch his roving eye in exchange for the treats he leaves in your shoe. To scupper this lad just close your curtains while you’re having rumpy pumpy on your fur throw.  Bjúgnakrækir – AKA Sausage Swiper or Stealer
To keep the sausage away from thieving varmints like Lilith, they were hung from the roof rafters in strings but this does not prevent Bjúgnakrækir from getting his grubby mits on them. The bjúgu yields a lot more length than a hot dog sausage, (one for you Dementia Von Grimm).This Yule lad is afraid of heights but despite this, his sausage desire overcomes his fears, he reminds me of a tree surgeon I once knew. These days he can just go to your fridge to steal your sausage, or he just trots along to the nearest Bæjarins beztu pylsur stand.  Skyrgámur – AKA Skyr Gobbler or Glutton
Skyrgámur is never going to go hungry as Skyr is plentiful in Icelandic households and has been for centuries. Skyr has a slightly sour taste, a cultured dairy product made from the milk curds not dissimilar to Greek yogurt but thicker, bordering on cheese. Unlike yogurt it is much healthier because it is low in fat and boasts other health benefits due to its high protein content.  Hurðaskellir – AKA Door Slammer
Unlike the majority of his brothers, Hurðaskellir is not obsessed with food. I think Vlad and I have resided next door to this annoying fucker, he likes to slam doors in the middle of the night. Unfortunately I think we have also lived next door to a lad that liked to riddle his fire at 4 in the morning, we seem to attract nutjobs. Hurðaskellir quietly sneaks into darkened houses in the middle of the night before causing havoc by slamming all the doors. I will have to break his legs if he tries this in my house, I do not do well being woken in the early hours.  Askasleikir – AKA Bowl Licker
Icelanders of old had their own individual traditional pots called askur, a wooden bowl with a lid that kept their food warm. The householders would place the bowls on the floor by the beds when finished and this is when Askasleikir strikes. I like to think that he is hiding under my bed because it’s better than the alternatives (gimp man from a CSI episode, still gives me the creeps) On arriving in our household these lickers would have a fight on their warty hands with Lilith because if there is any greasy pan, spoon, pot scraper or pot licking going on it would be her. Now there is a scrap I would like to see, antsy trolls and a perpetually ‘starving’ bull terrier with an entitlement complex.  Pottasleikir – AKA Pot Licker
Pottasleikir uses sabotage tactics to make sure that there are plenty of leftovers, spoiling the food with spices, salt or hot pepper or helping with an extra log on the fire to ensure it burns. He especially likes the burnt crispy bits stuck to the rim of the pots. Pottasleikir would be most disappointed in this house as Vlad would have trampled him to death to get there first. |
AuthorMs Crockofshit, concubine of Vladimir Beaverhausen. In this blog, I hope to get a word in, if the garrulous Vladimir shuts up for long enough. Archives
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