Welcome to Wintermarsh Street.
  • Home
  • About Wintermarsh Street
  • Blogging a dead horse.
  • If I want your opinion, I will read it in your entrails.
  • Tales from behind closed doors. Felo-de-se Bay.
  • Tales from behind closed doors. Mildred's hat.
  • Tales from behind closed doors. Heinous Hymen and the perilous placenta.
  • The Judge and the Majorettes. A tale for Samhain.
  • Lord Krampus and the pestiferous Pixie infestation. A tale for Yule.
  • Vladimir's crayon creations.
  • We are more than a number...
  • Tales from behind closed doors. Joyride

If I want your opinion, I will read it in your entrails.

Inside the mind of Ms Crockofshit.

"WALNUT"Whip

28/1/2018

4 Comments

 
Picture
This is a Walnut Whip
It is an unfortunate turn of events that brings me to this point in time but I feel the need to eviscerate someone. I have managed to curb the desire for some time the all too familiar urge to rip open a person who has aggrieved me, until I was proffered my favourite old school confectionery. I excitedly disrobed my fondant delight with the anticipation of sinking my teeth into the crowning glory, the walnut, only to find a walnut sized void.

I was disappointed that the nut was missing and thought it had been inadvertently missed off the top. I exclaimed " how can this be called a Walnut Whip if there is no walnut?"

Can you imagine my utter horror to be informed they are no longer called Walnut Whips, but simply 'Whips,' and it was not just a numpty in the factory that missed my beloved nut off the top, but someone higher up in the organisation thought it was a good idea to remove them from the chocolate swirl all together, the dirty bastards.



Picture
This is NOT a Walnut Whip, You dirty bastards!
PictureThat really chaffs you know!
Apparently this act of horsesarsery passed me by and I have only just become aware of this act of vandalism. WTF? I will read the reason for this wholly injudicious decision in your entrails!
4 Comments

An Introduction.

18/11/2017

1 Comment

 
‘If I want your opinion, I will read it in your entrails.’

I am Ms Crockofshit, those familiar with Wintermarsh Street will know of me, concubine of Vladimir Beaverhausen. You may not know of my special skills, honed over the years and an essential requirement for my particular temperament. Some might say I lack empathy, compassion and other lovely fluffy human emotions, but I say I have trouble tolerating horsesarsery, ignorance and the pathetic.

I am an apothecary and a haruspex, a person trained in the ancient art of the divination of entrails. This art is usually practiced on sacrificed sheep or poultry, but sometimes it has to be conducted on the recently eviscerated, those who have fallen within the three categories stated above.

An example of when I would consider meting out such a punishment:

Whilst doing the shopping this week, (Vladimir has his essential needs in the form of fermented grapes) I was in the car park of a local mercantile establishment when a car cut me off, driving in front of my moving vehicle and parking not only on hash marks, but right on a mini-roundabout! Obviously the three hundred and fifty spaces were not enough.

This is the sort of behaviour that will warrant this punishment. Some may say harsh, but as the title suggests, ‘if I want your opinion, I will read it in your entrails’.

1 Comment

    Author

    Ms Crockofshit, concubine of Vladimir Beaverhausen. In this blog, I hope to get a word in, if the garrulous Vladimir shuts up for long enough.

    Archives

    December 2019
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017

    Categories

    All
    Apothecary
    Curiosities
    Folklore.
    Haruspicy
    If You Want MY Opinion.
    Ms Crockofshit's Multifarious Cogitations.
    Poetry
    Taxidermy

    RSS Feed

Wintermarsh Street is no place for children, freedom of expression is paramount here, censorship is abhorrent to us, please do not enter if you are overly sensitive or offended by the ideas and opinions of others that may not correspond with your own. I may profoundly disagree with your opinion, however I would fight and die defending your right to express it.
Wintermarsh Street is a work of the imagination and any similarity to places or persons living, dead and undead contained within the tales herein is purely coincidental.
All rights reserved. No part of this website may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any electronic or mechanical means or by any information storage and retrieval system.
Web Hosting by Hostgator