Blog Posts

Þvörusleikir

15/12/2019

Þvörusleikir – AKA Spoon Licker or Pot Scraper Licker.
Þvörusleikir’s favourite pastime is licking spoons or more accurately, pot scrapers. Due to this activity he has a fit tongue (well hello there). Despite their fearsome reputation, Vikings prided themselves on their hospitality to strangers so there was always a pot on the go containing gruel or soup, and the pot scraper makes sure that not a morsel is wasted.
He is rather a thin lad, I suppose there is not much to be gained by licking a few tidbits from a spoon but he likes the taste of the food infused implements.

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Stúfur

15/12/2019

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Now the next few brothers are all pan, spoon and pot licking scavengers

Stúfur – AKA Itty Bitty, Stubby or Shorty
A lad I can relate to being a feisty short arse myself, my BFF likes to call me a vicious little pixie. Stúfur’s journey from the mountains is a difficult one due to his lack of height, he has trouble traversing deep snow and it takes him longer to travel due to his Lilliputian legs. To ensure you get your gift, it's best to leave a step of sorts if your shoe is on a high windowsill. This lad is partial to grease licked from your pans.

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Giljagaur.

15/12/2019

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Giljagaur – AKA Gully Gawk

Hidden from site Giljagaur travels from the mountains, down to the farms, lurking in gullies and dark, dank ditches, awaiting the chance to steal the warm milk and especially the foam or cream skimmed from the top of the bucket. He awaits his chance to steal the milk when the milkmaids are distracted by a burly farm hand with George North’s thighs, a woman after my own heart.

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Stekkjarstaur

15/12/2019

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Howay the lads
Starting on December 12th the lads come down from their home in the mountains and visit childrens’ houses in the following order:-

Stekkjarstaur – AKA Gimpy, The Sheep Worrier or Stiffy Legs.

Stekkjarstaur has a love of sheep milk that he suckles straight from the yews. Unfortunately, his affliction of stiff legs is a hindrance to this practice. It has been suggested that he had peg legs as the poor blighter was so stiff of leg. His special skill involves a bit of sheep rustling so the Icelandic folks would lock them way over this period. My own forefathers have done a bit of sheep worrying in their time so who am I to judge.

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The Yule Lads.

6/12/2019

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Vlad and I spend a great deal of time choosing just the right gifts for each other be it for birthdays, anniversaries or Yule. The pleasure that we get from finding just the right thing is better than receiving the gift itself. Last Yule I was given three unusual Yuletide baubles from Iceland, each of them depicted two Yule Lads. The baubles were accompanied by a beautifully illustrated book written and illustrated by Brian Pilkington.
Winter Solstice celebrations date back to the Ninth century in Iceland when the first settlers arrived. Once the pagan celebrations were stolen by the good ole Christians in the 11th century and remodelled as Christmas all the fun was sucked out of the festivities. During the reformations the revellers were threatened with painful punishments if partaking in any raucous activities, but even this did not dampen their party spirit when they’d had one too many Brennivíns, hazzah.
Iceland is steeped in mythology and folklore, the most hideous being is Grýla a giant troll, Ogress or Christmas Witch as she is sometimes known. The Yule lads, of whom there are thirteen, are her sons from her third marriage to a revolting, oafish and lazy fellow called Leppalúði, who like Grýla had a penchant for stewed children, mmmmm.
Grýla

Grýla first raised her very ugly warty head in literature during the thirteenth century and is said to devour naughty or rude children, whom she collects in her sack when she comes down from the mountains at Yuletide. She likes the children stewed, or casseroled for the sake of Vladimir, (the mere mention of stew makes him bilious). To make sure that no unruly child escapes her clutches she has eyes in the back of her head so that she is able to keep a good look out. Hooves adorn her feet but unlike Satan they are not cloven, she has horns on her head and fifteen tails. Leppalúði is Grýla’s third and current husband; they live in a cave in the Dimmuborgir lava fields. Leppalúði is hoping not to succumb to the same fate as one of his predecessors, whom she killed and ate out of boredom.
In the eighteenth century the authorities felt it necessary to pass a decree to abolish the practice of threatening naughty children with being consumed, (or is that consomméd) in the form of soup by Grýla or terrorised by the Yule Lads, hence the lads have been assuaged for the “Snowflakes” and they are now no longer gorging on kids willy-nilly but playing naughty pranks. Their numbers have reduced considerably over the years (I would have thought her warty face was contraception enough) and now number thirteen Yule Lads, each with their own irritating traits, although the attractive pair have many more children.
Starting 13 days before Christmas Eve Icelandic children place a shoe on their windowsill in anticipation of the Yule Lads who visit in turn and leave small gifts or a piece of fruit. If however they have been bad they get a potato in their shoe, as it is now considered bad form to cook them up and have them for supper, damn their eyes. Before the modern day Santa- esque tradition of leaving gifts, the Yule lads would get up to mischievous high jinks in the houses that they visited and their names derive from the particular irritating prank they would play on the households.
To learn more about the Yule lads I will be continuing my blog in instalments so as not to bore (squirrel) sorry about that, you all.
As with all folklore there are many different accounts and descriptions of Grýla and her family.

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Jackie the Wintermarsh Pixie.

19/3/2018

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Nigel that brazen-faced moggy took a shite

In a Wintermarsh garden there lurks a vicious pixie,
She awaits amongst the ferns, for the unsuspecting trixy.

Sentinel outside Vladimir's stained glass front door,
She lays in wait for the uninvited, whom she really does abhor.

Trespassers will be composted, declares the sign hanging upon the wall,
no exceptions to the house rules, they apply to one and all.

Unwary callers may fall victim to her playful whim,
razor sharp slashing talons, your escape is looking pretty grim.

For a Jehovah to come preaching, it would really take some guts,
she has maimed more than one and fashioned a necklace from their nuts.

Woe betide the ignorant neighbour who parks over her wrought iron gate,
no idea what may be unleashed, resulting in a most terrible fate.

A sound so terrifying, she screams like a racket of banshees,
best run for your life before you become one of her woeful abductees.

Mischievous and crotchety, she ply’s her trade with such glee,
a brownie of sorts, she will endeavour to smite thee.

Alas, She missed that brazen-faced moggy with her vicious bite,
Nigel just snuck into the garden and had a contemptuous shite.

Worse when she has been on a bender, full of Lambrini,
for someone so tiny she can be such a meanie.

She appears to be sporting a lacy bra upon her pixie head,
cigar dangling from lips that gave a titter, now she's really lost the thread.

Suffering from a Lambrini fuelled hangover, brandishing a broken glass,
She waits to spring an ambush to jab you in the arse.

Finally, don't ever come calling wearing green in May,
disregard at your peril, repent at your leisure, as her bloodied prey.

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Lupercalia Offerings

24/2/2018

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Lafayette, the newest member of our family.

Daffodils, there's lovely!

We very rarely exchange gifts for Lupercalia, but this year our nemesis had been shamelessly plying his evil wares on Twitter. He is our drug of choice and after having our first fix at Yule we were hooked.

Both Vladimir and I had been tempted by several new sculptures by "The Kuriologist" that had been listed on EBay and he is like an infuriating itch that you cannot scratch, an annoying little voice inside our heads saying " go on you know you want it". We decided to buy a sculpture instead of exchanging offerings.

Here is his own description of this particular sculpture because I cannot describe it better. Is there a more appropriate gift that symbolises our strange affection for each other?

Lafayette, what have you done?

Day Of The Dead Skeleton.

Victorian Goth Steampunk Skeleton Day of Dead Vintage Style Poppet Voodoo Doll

Errr, Yea, we are not quite sure?

The sort of unpleasant fella you'd expect lurking down a cobbled alley in smoggy Victorian London. Creepy, in a chitty chitty bang bang child snatcher, cross Burke & Hare body snatcher, Dickensian Uriah Heep, come Funeral Director sort of way-ish?

From our Art Laboratory we have created a Folk Art sculpture, which is an infusion cross over of Victorian Gothic Horror bordering upon Zombie Steampunk. A take on a traditional Witchcraft Poppet style Skeleton Voodoo Doll, with a hint of Dia de los Muertos - 'Day of the Dead'. Depicted wearing, what is sometimes known or maybe described as 'Mock Posh', as is worn among some 'Guizers' who take part in mummer parades at such festivals as Montol (Winter solstice) or Mazey Day (Summer Solstice) in Cornwall.

For more information regarding The Kuriologist see blog post Vampire Rat.

"The Kuriologist" Appeal - There are many more freaky non-existent species that need a forever home, please can you help?

Beware The Kuriologist don't take your first hit unless you are prepared to open your own museum of curiosity!

EBay https://www.ebay.co.uk/sch/sculpthunter

Twitter https://twitter.com/strangecurios

Edible Museum Human Heart

The Heart, a symbol of love

Vladimir, bless his blackened heart broke our pact and gave me the most delectable token of his affection, a human heart, hopefully the unsuspecting soul will not miss it too much. Hat, our Hunky Punk, was sporting a particularly fine example of a heart and that blessed Kuriologist had taunted us with another piece of his work, the Witches Cursed Heart, which he kindly allowed us to feature on our home page.

I was slightly disappointed to find that my gift was made from dark chocolate. I have an intimate knowledge of the workings of the human viscera, thanks to my fiery Celtic temperament and this was so realistic that it was incomprehensible, the artistry and attention to anatomical detail was incredible.

The artist, Sarah Hardy of The Edible Museum hand makes and paints her unique, edible artwork that is crafted from high quality Belgian couverture chocolate. From fossils (Vlad), hearts and private commissions made from the best quality chocolate, they can be all be found at The Edible Museum.

The Edible Museum are open to suggestions, oh dear, they may regret that!

The Edible Shop https://www.ediblemuseum.com/shop

Twitter https://twitter.com/TheEdibleMuseum

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Hot Chocolate Design - Chocolaticas

9/2/2018

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Hot Chocolate Design - Halloween Image Spiderweb Shoes

Spider Web Shoes

I recently discovered the most deliciously tempting shoe range. I am not known for my femininity, as those who know me will attest; it is like I am missing the girly gene. So it came as a shock to me when I was seduced by my first pair by Hot Chocolate Design; they were so me, and they had stirred a strange yearning inside that gave me cause for concern. I was feeling like the Grinch at the end of the film, all toasty inside, what is the deal?

This particular pair have a blush of the most subtle pink (nude some would say), like the last flush in the cheeks of a nubile victim of Vlad's, as life slowly ebbs away. The main body of the shoes and the cross strap are covered in clusters of tiny black flowers

On the heels is a black web, the stabilimentum woven by an industrious arachnid. The spider's web forms an intricate connection from the main body of the shoes to the cross strap. Inside they are a hot pink, the shade of a strumpet’s lipstick.

Heels of the Spider Web Shoes

Scrumptious box

Scrumptious Box

Not only were these shoes a gorgeous design, to finish off the whole shoe experience, they arrived in the most beautifully delectable coffer that looks like a high end cake box. The box itself is reminiscent of a slice of the most decadent chocolate cake, layered with a velvety pink butter cream. The bottom of the slice wrapped in a delicate lace doily and topped with lashings of pink frosting and dotted with Iced Gems to add the finishing flourish and vintage vibe.

Hot Chocolate Design - Dravulia Shoes

Dravulia Shoes

Then before Yule I fell victim again, overcome with a second bout of shoe desire. I had not recovered from my first affliction when I saw yet another design that seemed created for me, it's like the designer had been inside my head.

I had dropped a few subtle hints for Vlad, like here is my next pair of Hot Chocolate Shoes and like magic they appeared, though I think Krampus had a hand in this.

No seal pups harmed

These shoes are as dark as a moonless night sky, with a texture that I can only describe as bat skin, that's if they had been made of fur (maybe they are made from smote seal pups) but don't be put off.

The inside of the shoes are as black as my heart, they resembled a satin lined Linder coffin, and the blood of a recently dispatched soul trickles down each heel and oozes down to form the crimson soles. On the outside edge of each shoe is the wing of a bat, that is what I call up-cycling for those Eco warrior's. The pièce de résistance is that each shoe sports the bone white fangs of a vampire protruding down from either side of the T strap that forms the perfect black cross. I sometimes find Vladimir reposing in the shoes, such is their resemblance to a coffin.

Hot Chocolate Design were founded in Venezuela in 2004 by Pablo Martínez & Carolina Aguerrevere. Design inspiration coming from their love of all things vintage and the childhood feelings that this invokes. The designs are limited; therefore retired designs have now become collector's items. They are an unwonted accessory brand, with shoes forming only a part of their design collections.

Just when I thought it was safe I have been smitten once again by yet another must have pair of Hot Chocolate Design shoes but those are for a another day.

I wore my Spider web shoes on a recent evening soiree, if only I was as elegant as the shoes. I liken my ungainly walking style to Tina Turner on ice rather than the graceful Darcy Bussell, as my friends will testify! Their laughter still cuts me like a Spanish tickler!

Hot Chocolate Designs can be found on Twitter https://twitter.com/hotchocolated
Facebook
https://www.facebook.com/HotChocolateInternational

Website https://www.hotchocolatedesign.co.uk

Disclaimer - If you have the self-control of Vladimir in a blood bank with no supervision, then don't risk a peek.

I hope that Hot Chocolate Design likes the review of their delectable shoes, with the Wintermarsh Street and Ms Crockofshit twist and I thank them for allowing me to use some of their pictures on my blog post.

In my opinion you can keep your Jimmy Choo’s and Louis Vuitton’s, because you know what I think about your opinion,
give me these unique and quirky shoes every time.

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"WALNUT"Whip

28/1/2018

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This is a Walnut Whip

It is an unfortunate turn of events that brings me to this point in time but I feel the need to eviscerate someone. I have managed to curb the desire for some time the all too familiar urge to rip open a person who has aggrieved me, until I was proffered my favourite old school confectionery. I excitedly disrobed my fondant delight with the anticipation of sinking my teeth into the crowning glory, the walnut, only to find a walnut sized void.

I was disappointed that the nut was missing and thought it had been inadvertently missed off the top. I exclaimed " how can this be called a Walnut Whip if there is no walnut?"

Can you imagine my utter horror to be informed they are no longer called Walnut Whips, but simply 'Whips,' and it was not just a numpty in the factory that missed my beloved nut off the top, but someone higher up in the organisation thought it was a good idea to remove them from the chocolate swirl all together, the dirty bastards.

This is NOT a Walnut Whip, You dirty bastards!

That really chaffs you know!

Apparently this act of horsesarsery passed me by and I have only just become aware of this act of vandalism. WTF? I will read the reason for this wholly injudicious decision in your entrails!

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Taxidermy.

13/1/2018

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Pennywise by Kelly Potts Martinez.

As you may be aware, presents in our household are never conventional (see Vampire Rat in my last blog entry).

For Yule this year, I found the perfect gift for Vladimir. It was a little taxidermy mouse dressed as Pennywise the dancing clown from IT, written by Vlad’s favourite author Stephen King.

If you follow my blog then you will be aware that we also provide a clue with each present and it can only be opened once the clue is solved. The clue that went with this particular offering was, “I'm every nightmare you've ever had! I'm your worst dream come true!" This is not a crap present or is IT? Mus Musculus.

As the artisan describes her creations so well, below is her own description of Pennywise.

'Pennywise is dressed in a mini clown outfit of faded silver aquamarine, trousers, top and overskirt. He has frill cuffs at wrists and ankles and a palest cream ruffle style collar. The costume is detailed in silver blue ribbon and burgundy wool, also burgundy felt wool pompom buttons. Pennywise has his signature make-up and fluffy orange wigged hair. He has a palest blue wool dressed tail.'

Dracula by Kelly Potts Martinez.

Then as I was perusing the internet, I came across another must have piece to join our collection of curios. This particular rodent was in Vlad’s own image.

Again the description is in the creator’s own words.

'This wicked little mouse is full of devilish charm! Dracula is dressed in black trousers with a burgundy brocade waistband, and he has a purple coloured overcoat with purple trim and little white sequin buttons. He has a black high collar cloak with purple velvet trim and burgundy and black flowered lining with a gold chain fastening at the neck. He has a white stock scarf and tiny black shoes. In his paw he is holding his walking cane and his sharp fangs peep from his mouth. He has a black wool dressed tail and purple velvet top hat with black feather and sequin detail.'

I already have my beady eye on the gorgeous Green Faerie to add to the collection.

Kelly resides in Devon, as well as ethical taxidermy she is also an accomplished sculptress and fine jewellery designer. She has made jewellery for TV, films and theatre and also undertakes reproductions and restorations.

Like Kelly's taxidermy, her creations are beautifully detailed and immaculately crafted, with her inspiration coming from Folklore, Pixies, Myth, Faeries and Fantasy.

Undine was a particularly exquisite jewellery design that caught my attention.

Here are the links to Kelly Potts Martinez’
Website http://www.kellypottsmartinez.com
Twitter https://twitter.com/whimsykells
Facebook https://www.facebook.com/kelly.pottsmartinez
Ebay https://www.ebay.co.uk/usr/elemental-gallery
Etsy https://www.etsy.com/market/kelly_potts_martinez

NB All birds and mammals sold by Elemental Gallery and Kelly Potts Martinez are strictly ethically sourced. These creatures are either roadkill/cat kill or ethically sourced reptile/raptor food.

Hemlock the Vampire Hare by Jayne Bickerton.

Faux Taxidermy

For the squeamish amongst you, who cannot stomach the real thing then I can recommend faux taxidermy.

We have a Vampire Hare, our very own commissioned piece of faux taxidermy, made to our precise specifications. He resides above our hearth, keeping an eye on all that goes on in our home. His name is Count Hemlock Beaverhausen III. He sports a black velvet cape with a red lining, a white cravat held in place with a gold and pearl pin. On his left eye is a monocle and to top off the whole ensemble is a black top hat, which is completed of course with a blood red satin band. Dapper is how I would describe him.

Hemlock was brought to life by the incredibly talented Jayne Bickerton. You may recognise the name, as well as being an extremely gifted artist she is also an actress, script writer and stand up comic. Jayne has worked with the likes of Peter Kay in Phoenix Nights and Paul O'Grady as his alter ego Lily Savage, just to name a few. Paul has numerous pieces of Jayne's art work in his home. Jayne appeared in fifty three episodes of Coronation Street as Yana Lumb. There appears no end to her talents.

Until writing this piece I had no idea of the prestigious credentials of Hemlock's creator. She likes to use recycled materials after realising how much fabric goes to waste from working as a manager in a hospice shop.

You can find Jayne's faux taxidermy Crafted Creatures by following the links below.
Etsy https://www.etsy.com/uk/shop/wondrousplace
Twitter https://twitter.com/craftedcreature
and her artwork at Folksy https://folksy.com/shops/voodooville

You can also find her on Facebook

Crap taxidermy at Dunster Castle.

Crap Taxidermy

Last year Vladimir gave me a book called Crap Taxidermy. The poor unfortunate creatures in this book have been subjected to the worst humiliation in death, immortalised in the form of Crap taxidermy. Unlike Kelly, the taxidermists in question had no discernible skills in their field, though they probably should be certified.

Here is an example of crap taxidermy found at Dunster Castle, Somerset. We leave it to you to decide what this creature may have been in life, as we are stumped. It does, however bear more than a passing resemblance to Gordon the Gopher!

If you would like to attempt a guess at the species then feel free to leave a comment, all suggestions are welcome.

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Wintermarsh Street is no place for children, freedom of expression is paramount here, censorship is abhorrent to us, please do not enter if you are overly sensitive or offended by the ideas and opinions of others that may not correspond with your own. I may profoundly disagree with your opinion, however I would fight and die defending your right to express it.

Wintermarsh Street is a work of the imagination and any similarity to places or persons living, dead and undead contained within the tales herein is purely coincidental.

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If I want your opinion, I will read it in your entrails.

Þvörusleikir

Stúfur

Giljagaur.

Stekkjarstaur

The Yule Lads.

Jackie the Wintermarsh Pixie.

Lupercalia Offerings

Hot Chocolate Design - Chocolaticas

"WALNUT"Whip

Taxidermy.

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